Decisions, Decisions

The closer I get to the summer, the more questions I get about what I am going to do with my life. As of this moment, I’m not even sure I will be here much longer. Although the original plan was for me to stay until the end of July, I may go back to the family’s house in SLO as they begin the process of transitioning the pets back to the states. I will be going back to Cali in April to be in my close friend Stevie’s wedding so I might just stay in the country to avoid possible border patrol issues. All of this is still up in the air, meanwhile I’m torn on whether to go back to SLO or stay in London. Going to back San Luis Obispo is tempting because it will save me a LOT of money and offer a change of scenery. However, it will be hard to say goodbye to London, especially because I’ve been having a lot of fun the last few weeks going to shows and hanging out with friends.

But whatever happens between April and July isn’t that big of a deal. I am going to have to leave London soon anyway and I feel like I’ve conquered it as much as possible. I would have liked to have travelled more outside of the UK (I still haven’t been to Italy, Germany, Spain or Greece), but I still feel like I got to know London really well. The decisions I have to make regarding what happens to my life AFTER July are the ones giving me the most stress.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, my current employer has asked that I move back to SLO with them and basically do the same thing I do now, only minus the teen-care component. It would basically be a non-job job because all I would really have to do is look after the animals (I wouldn’t even need to walk the dog because they have a big yard). It would be gainful employment, I would live rent-free and have the added bonus of living in a nice house with a home gym, pool, tennis court and a big screeen projector. The main pressing issue is: WHAT THE HECK WOULD I DO? I already have trouble filling my day living in LONDON, so what would I do in SLO day in and day out? My employer is pushing the idea of grad school, which is an idea I’m not entirely sold on. I know I would have a great time completing a master’s degree in English, and I know that it might be the best move now that unemployment has taken a turn for the worst, but it will take 2 years and will even further broaden my skill set. It would be one thing if I was going to grad school in order to recieve training for a specific vocation, but as someone who doesn’t want to be a teacher (at this point), a masters degree will only make me even better at something I already studied 4 years at university for. If I couldn’t narrow my career path then, what makes me think I will be ready to enter the workforce after another 2 years of reading and writing?

Aside from the fact that I would be spending money to defer my ascent of the corporate ladder due to my indecision over which ladder I want to climb, there is no longer any reason for me to be in SLO. Most of my friends will be gone. There’s not a whole lot for a college graduate to do. It’s not a major city so there’s not a whole lot going on as far as arts and entertainment, and I’m convinced that the Central Coast is impervious to pop culture. If you’re not married with children, or an undergrad, SLO is a wasteland. After living in both LA and London, it’s just hard for me to find things to do in SLO that don’t involve the word “yehaa” or going to the bars (although I am sad to be missing going to the bars at 7am this St. Patrick’s day).

But there are other, riskier options. I am also looking into publishing programs in NYC that allow you to rotate through several different departments in the company in order to see which one is best suited. This way you don’t have to commit to one area (editorial, publicity, production, marketing, etc.) right away. This is especially appealing because I am having a hard time commiting to anything at the moment. Also because it’s in NYC.

Another option is going back to LA and looking for an assistant job. No matter what you want to do in Hollywood, whether you want to produce, direct, write, whatever, you basically have to start out as someone’s assistant. Again, a job with little commitment. I would be overworked, underpaid and absolutley miserable, but I would at least be working toward a more concrete end. Grad school would just be another 2 years I spent in SLO comparing the religiously-inspired works of Milton and Dante. But, a job in LA would also mean that I could get laid-off with the drop of a hat and have no one but President Obama to cry to since I’m no longer on parental payroll.

So for now, I’m stuck in Limbo.  It’s hard to move forward when you have no destination in sight.

Allison, it’s your move.